Zane What?
by The Hodge Podge Kid
Summary: Atticus claims that Zane has to shave...and chaos ensues...involves Niko and a little bit of Alyssa...a twoshot crackfic.
1. Chapter 1

Howdy! ...that probably sounded hyper...oh well, that's what I get for eating a bowl of ice cream before posting this. Anyway, here is a new story...it's more of a crackfic than anything.

This will be a two-shot...I changed a scene from episode 20...you'll probably recognize it. I really liked that scene, and wanted to use it in a story.

Zane: Great...another story with me in it.

Me: I could write you out of the story if you like.

Syrus: That sounds good!

Zane: Nevermind...

Reviews are greatly appreciated! Anything helps, really. Enjoy!

* * *

"It's not true!" Niko said. She tried not to laugh, but it was harder than she thought it would be. Atticus nodded, and poked her in the ribs.

"It IS true! Zane has to shave, otherwise his face would be covered in stubble!" he insisted. Alyssa laughed with Niko. Syrus continued to look at the cards in his hand.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," he said. "Our dad always had to shave, but that doesn't mean that Zane does." Niko burst into another fit of giggles, holding her sides. Atticus glared. He put his hands on his hips.

"I'll show you! We can break into his bathroom, and see if he has shaving cream and a razor!" he said. Niko looked at him incredulously, raising an eyebrow.

"We could just ask him if he has to shave or not," she said, pointing out the obvious. Syrus shook his head as he put his cards back in their holder.

"That would be too easy," he explained, and stood up. Alyssa and Jaden stood up too. Niko looked at them helplessly.

"Where are you guys going?" she asked. Jaden grinned.

"We're going to the card shop! Dorothy told us she got some new cards," he said. Niko stood up too.

"I'll go with you guys," she said. Atticus grabbed her arm.

"We have to see whether Zane shaves or not!" he shouted. A student walking by looked at Atticus, and walked a little faster. Niko looked at Jaden and Alyssa, who gave her a thumbs up. Niko sighed as they walked away, and Atticus began to drag her off toward the Obelisk Blue dorms.

"How did I get myself into this?" she moaned.

* * *

"Come on, Niko! You've climbed trees before!" Atticus whined. Niko crossed her arms defiantly, and scowled up at Atticus, who was sitting on the top branch of the tree outside Zane's dorm.

"There's no way I'm climbing up to Zane's dorm!" she yelled back up at him. Atticus smiled. He tilted his head toward Zane's dorm room.

"You can't convince me that you're aren't even a little bit curious," he challenged. Niko faltered, and looked at her feet. "We just going to be in and out, Niko," he added. Niko looked up at him with nervous eyes.

"Are you sure?" she asked tentatively. Atticus nodded reassuringly. Niko let out a sigh, and started to climb the tree. "I know I'm going to regret this," she muttered to herself. Atticus jumped and just barely landed on the porch outside Zane's room. Niko leaped a minute later and stood next to him. He grinned.

"You're a better spy than I thought," he complimented. Niko rolled her eyes, and pushed him toward the door.

"Just open the door so we can get in and leave," she muttered. Atticus chuckled, and pulled a key out of his pocket. He put it in the lock, and, holding his breath, turned the key. He pushed on the door, and beamed when it opened. Niko looked at the key absentmindedly.

"For some reason it doesn't surprise me you have a key to his room," she stated. Atticus gave her a knowing look.

"Zane would get suspicious if he saw any screwdriver marks on the lock, don't you think?" he asked, already knowing the answer. Niko gave a fake fist pump.

"Hurray for common sense," she said sarcastically. Atticus pushed her into Zane's room. He pointed toward the bathroom.

"Go look and see if he has any shaving cream or razors," he ordered. Niko turned to him.

"Why do I have to look?!" she complained. Atticus gestured to Zane's nightstand.

"I'm also here on personal business. I gave Zane a new card as a present, and I want to see if Zane put it in his deck," he explained. Atticus walked over to the nightstand, and pulled open the top drawer.

Niko put her hands in her pockets and went into the bathroom. Atticus dragged her here, why not check?

Atticus pulled out Zane's deck. He began to flip through it, looking for the card he'd given Zane.

In the bathroom, Niko sighed, and looked at the counter. It was bare, aside from a sink, a toothbrush stand, a soap dish with a bar of soap, a hairbrush, and a folded blue hand towel. Niko walked over to Atticus, and poked him in the shoulder. He yelped.

"There wasn't anything on the counter, Atticus," she said. Atticus groaned. He stood up and put Zane's deck on the bed.

"You need to check the drawers and the cabinet underneath, goofball," he replied. He headed to the bathroom. She looked at the top card of Zane's deck. She saw Cyber Dragon. She smiled faintly, and looked back at Atticus. He wasn't there. She looked around, confused.

"Atticus?" she called. Atticus peaked out from the bathroom.

"I'm in here," he said. Niko rolled her eyes. Atticus let out a yell of triumph. Niko flinched, and walked over to the bathroom.

"Keep your voice down!" she hissed. "We're not even supposed to be in here!" Atticus held up a spray can, and put it in Niko's hand.

"See? This is shaving cream. I told you he shaved!" he said in victory. Niko sweatdropped, and gave Atticus the can back.

"That's spray deodorant, Atty," she explained. Atticus looked crushed. He put the can back in the cabinet under the sink.

**THUMP!**

"What was that?" Niko said as she jumped. Atticus looked nervous. He walked past Niko, and stood in the middle of the room. He heard a key turning.

"Time to go," he said quickly. Niko came out of the bathroom in time to see Atticus running back to the door. She scowled.

"Hey, wait!" she yelled as she ran after him. The door behind her opened, and three Obelisk students walked in.

"Hey, what are you doing in here?" they yelled after her. She made the mistake of looking behind her to see if they were coming after her. They grabbed the back of her jacket just as she was trying to jump off the balcony into the tree. She saw Atticus below. He was standing at the foot of the tree, looking up at her apologetically. She glared at him as the Obelisks dragged her back in.

"Hey, Zane! Look what we found in your room!" one of the Obelisks yelled toward the door. "A Slifer girl!" Niko froze at the mention of Zane, and then she tried to fight the grasp of the Obelisks. They held her in a vice grip, and dragged her over to where Zane was standing.

Zane looked at Niko in shock, but replaced his surprise with a stoic expression. The knot in Niko's stomach tightened.

"Hey, Zane, look! She was trying to steal your deck!" one of the Obelisks shouted. Zane walked over to the bed, picked up his deck, and scrutinized it.

"What should we do with the Slifer, Zane?" the second Obelisk asked. Niko glared at him.

"You could let me go," she muttered. She stoppd talking and waited for Zane's answer. Zane flipped through his deck, and focused on one card. He didn't look at any of the students in the room.

"Let her go," he ordered. Niko blinked. What did he say?

"What?" she said, dumbfounded. Zane looked over his shoulder, but not at her.

"Do you want me to change my mind?" he asked. The Obelisks let go of her arms, and she took off like a bullet, sliding down the tree as fast as she could.

"Why did you let her go, Zane?" the last Obelisk asked. Zane sighed, and put his deck back in his nightstand.

"Because she didn't do anything."

* * *

*wincing* It's even worse than I remember...anyway, let me know what you think!

Zane: Why were you in my room?

Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Hi again! Here's the other chapter...This can definitely be labeled as a crackfic. I've been eating more vanilla ice cream, and I ate a bunch of candy too...sugar highs are awesome! I'm a better writer when I eat sugar, I think...

Anway, enjoy! And reviews are loved and adored...

Zane: That sounded odd...

Me: He's just upset that his manhood has been challenged...^^; Anyway, here it is! And Alyssa, let me know if your character is out of character!

* * *

"Where's Atticus?!" Syrus, Alyssa, and Jaden all jumped about two feet in the air. They saw an extremely pissed off Niko storming toward them. Syrus ducked behind Alyssa. Niko turned to Jaden.

"Have you seen Atticus?" she asked, as calm trying to sound as she could. Jaden scratched his head in thought.

"Well, we saw him talking to some of his buddies in Obelisk. He was laughing about something or other," he said. Niko clenched her fists.

"And where did you see him exactly?" she demanded. Jaden shrugged, and looked toward Alyssa and Syrus. His eyes lit up.

"Oh, wait! That was a while ago we saw him at the Obelisk Blue dorm! He's hanging out in our dorm room right now!" he exclaimed. He failed to see the signs that Alyssa and Syrus were giving him to shut up. Niko smiled sweetly at Jaden.

"Thank you, Jaden. I need to leave now," she stated. As she started to walk away, Jaden turned to look at her.

"Why do you want to see him?" he asked. Alyssa and Syrus face-palmed.

"Because she wants to kill him," they said the same time Niko said, 'Because I want to kill him.' Jaden blinked.

"Oh," was all he could say. Niko turned again, and stalked away to the Slifer dorms.

* * *

"Hey Zane!" Jaden shouted when he saw Zane walking up to them. "How are you?" Zane nodded to Jaden, then to Syrus and Alyssa.

"I'm doing well. And you?" he asked respectfully. Jaden smiled with his eyes closed, and gave Zane a thumbs-up.

"I'm doing great!" Syrus smiled too, along with Alyssa, but then all their smiles faded away. They sighed in unison. Zane looked around. He focused on Syrus.

"Where's Niko?" he asked. Alyssa smirked at Zane. Syrus nudged her gently with his elbow, and shook his head. Jaden chuckled nervously.

"She's around," he answered vaguely. Zane raised an eyebrow, and looked to his left. He then looked to his right, then back to Jaden.

"Define 'around'," he said. Alyssa stood. She walked past Zane. Syrus and Jaden followed.

"We'll show you," she said. She glanced back at him, and he took that as a sign to follow. Not that he ever liked to follow people.

"She's probably at the Slifer dorm by now," Syrus said. Jaden nodded. Alyssa looked at the sky above them.

"We should probably bring a body bag with us," she commented. Zane looked at her curiously, then looked at Syrus. Syrus crossed his arms like Zane.

"Niko is planning on murdering Atticus in a very painful way, or at the least hurting him so he probably won't be able to make any little Atticuses in the near future," he said to Zane. Zane raised an eyebrow and looked at Jaden.

"What did he do this time?" he asked. Jaden looked at his shoulder, and then down at the ground. No one else noticed the penguin at his feet and the cute flying furball near his shoulder. He laughed out loud, but covered his mouth.

He turned to see everyone giving him funny looks.

"What?" he asked. Alyssa and Syrus studied him incredulously, knowing what he was seeing.

"Apparently Atticus is still alive, but in a very uncomfortable position," he said. Alyssa's eyes widened.

"Oh cheese...we just had that flagpole installed at the Slifer dorm, didn't we?" she said, to no one in particular. Jaden and Syrus flinched. They all began to walk a little faster.

* * *

"Why does she do this to me?" Atticus thought out loud to himself. "I didn't mean for her to get caught...I thought she knew that!" He took a deep breath as a breeze began to pick up.

Atticus studied the ground below him, and let out a melancholy sigh. He saw four people running forward. He recognized them immediately. He waved his arms.

"Hey, guys!! UP HERE!!" he yelled. Syrus, Alyssa, Jaden, and Zane all looked up. They all shook their heads when they saw Atticus hanging from the top of the brand-new Slifer flagpole by the waistband of his boxers.

"GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!!" he cried pitifully. Several Slifer students opened their doors and looked outside to see what the yelling was all about. Some couldn't help but smile when they saw an Obelisk Blue student hanging from the flagpole. Alyssa smiled up at Atticus.

"How did you get up there, Atty?" she asked as she crossed her arms. Atticus stuttered a little.

"It d-d-d-doesn't m-m-matter! Just GET ME DOWN!!" he yelled. He had decided to ignore the question. Zane smirked, and crossed his arms, too.

"Does it have anything to do with Niko?" he asked calmly. "She ran off in a hurry, the last time I saw her." Atticus grinned sheepishly.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he said to Zane. He put his hands together in a pleading gesture. "Please help me down from here! This is worse than any atomic wedgie!" he begged. Syrus and Jaden walked up to the flagpole and began to lower Atticus to the ground. The door to Alyssa's and Niko's dorm flew open.

"Don't you dare get him down!" Niko shouted. "He's lucky all I did was hang him up by his underwear!" Atticus flinched and shot her a guilty look.

"I honestly didn't mean for you to get caught, Niko! I thought he was in study-hall or something!" Niko glared as realization dawned on Zane's face. He uncrossed him arms.

"Let me guess, Atticus...you wanted to see whether or not I put the card you got me in my deck?" he asked. Atticus nodded, and gave Zane a thumbs-up.

"Correcto! And I'm glad to see you did! But we also wanted to check something else," he added. He gestured over to Niko with his thumb. "She doesn't think you shave." Niko blushed profusely, not knowing exactly why.

"Well, we didn't find any evidence of that, now did we?" she asked, agitated. Zane ran his hand over his chin subconsciously. He examined Niko with an even look. She squirmed slightly.

"Why didn't you just ask me?" he said finally. Niko glared at Atticus.

"I planned to, but someone else didn't want to!" she explained as she glowered at Atticus. She turned back to Zane curiously and put her hands on the railing as she leaned forward. "Do you...shave?" she asked shyly. Zane blinked.

"Of course I do," he said automatically. Atticus lifted a fist in triumph.

"I TOLD YOU!!" he taunted. Niko fought the urge to roll her eyes as she walked down the stairs to where everyone else was.

"Yes. How could I ever doubt you?" she deadpanned. Syrus and Jaden finished loosening the ropes on the flagpole, sending Atticus flying to the ground.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH-OOOOWWWW!!" he yelled as he fell. Niko smiled.

"Now we're even," she said happily.

* * *

Yay! It's done! I hope you liked it...

Atty: T_T Why did I have to be hung up by my underwear?

Zane: You deserved it...

Atty: I thought you were my friend!

Syrus: He is? Oh, yeah! I remember that sleepover you two had, and I walked in on you two-

Zane: *covers Syrus' mouth* Shut up.

Me: ^^; I'll pretend I didn't hear that...

Thanks for reading!


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